Saturday, December 26, 2009

Freaked out

"Appearances Can Be Deceptive"

Let's have another of my truly random posts.....I am sleepy..very sleepy...loaded with work....lost my Sony Ericsson mobile few hours ankle swelled up....experiments not working......don't know what to do lets blabber randomly!!!

I wish I was at home now....not because I miss home but because I want to get out of here now. Being conscious hurts me lot....I wish I could stay in a different state of mind...would love to have a totally blank mind or maybe just sleep....maybe that's why people take drugs or alcohol....i would love to be in a drunken state.....

I wish I had more friends here..... discredit is mine...i had not given much effort initially... I feel I have nothing to do as I have too much work to do....I wish I had something better to that many people actually read this, its such an embarrassing post.....but then its a honest reflection of my state of mind

Certain people and interaction makes you think. Its common to realize how you have misjudged someone, sometimes you may also realize that how your own appearance have deceived others (I experience that all the time - People just seem to assume 'things' about me or what I am thinking about them - mostly they are wrong), however worst is when you realize that you aren't capable of things you thought you can other words when "you have managed to deceive yourself".... I like this idea, people who always talk about assesing oneself etc. seems to focus less on this...the point is how would you know that whatever you thought about yourself is true ....when i said before that mostly people's assumptions on me is wrong, that's totally based on my bias; it maybe so that they are right and I am wrong...anyways its difficult but one must try to have a clear realisation of this...I try sometimes.... For me even if I realize that I am not capable of doing a 'bad' thing (which is a good thing after all), I would be upset because I thought I can manage that..... with such realization comes dilemmaa.....and then this dilemma crushes you and you can never be happy with your perfect decisions here .... What to ain't too bad if you think how bad can things get and how lucky you have been in certain cases...after all "Life's a compromise between best and worst possibilities"

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